He aroha whakato, he aroha puta mai.

Leading on from the last pondering I have been thinking more about the “I’m ok dance’.  This further reflecting has made me think about the language we use.  Language shapes our view of the world, but first the view of the world has shaped our language.  Lera Boroditsky spoke at TEDWomen on How Language Shapes the Way we Think.  Lera talks about the way we structure our words and how this is impactful on how we might see an event such as a vase accidentally breaking.  We might say, “Lynn broke the vase, but it was an accident.”  This sentence still sends a message to the brain that it was Lynn who broke the vase, opposed to, “The vase had an accident.”  Totally the fault of the vase.

We have all been shaped by the views, values, morals and ideas of past generations.  Some of these views and ideas are outdated but the impact is still being felt today.  For example, ‘children should be seen and not heard’.  It sounds outdated, antiquated and totally out of place in our current world view.  But has this view of respect impacted on the words and actions we are still taking today, maybe in a slightly watered down way?  This antiquated view lead the adult world back then to think that their voice was more important than the voice of the child.   We might not use the words ‘children should be seen and not heard’ but I wonder if our actions as kaiako sometimes says, ‘my voice is more important than that of yours’ to the mokopuna in our settings just by the actions we take.

Micro-aggressions lead us into language and thinking that does not allow others to be ok.  Micro-aggressions are so subtle because we do not even realise that we have them.  Recently I was travelling to Wellington and a young man sat down next to me on the plane.  The moment he sat down he started to bounce his leg up and down, an action that creates in me an inner turmoil.  The voice in my head says, ‘why can’t he just sit still.’  I knew that potentially I could be in for a very bumpy ride to Wellington and it had nothing to do with turbulence and everything to do with my on view of the world on respect.  I wanted to be Cia, the singer who has the long fringe that covers her eyes, that way I would not see the continual bouncing taking place on my right.  Feeling my inner turmoil moving beyond a slow simmer and into a rapid boil I talked to myself (in my head of course, talking to yourself out loud might raise eyebrows from those around me as they grapple with their own ideas of what normal is).  My thoughts to myself were around trying to understand why it is important to me that someone sits still?  Is this about my ideas of respect, a long hangover idea of you have to sit still to be respectful, a message drummed into me at some stage of my life.  After seriously confronting my own ideas of why I thought this person, who was doing me no harm, should have to sit still I was able to reduce the rapid boil of emotions and just let the moment be.  My micro-aggression about having to sit still to be respectful or kind was not very respectful or kind to the person next to me, in fact, it lead me into judgement.

Individually we all have micro-aggression that shape our thinking, our words and ultimately the view of those around us as we hold on to sometimes outdated and antiquated ideas of right and wrong and what it means to be respectful.  Beliefs and views we hold of the mokopuna, and the experiences of childhood that we draw from, affect the way we view teaching and learning and our role as kaiako.  These views shape our language and action.  Micro-aggressions lead us into a place of seeing some behaviour as ‘problem behaviour’ based on what our internal voice is telling us.  The only ‘problem’ though is that we do not understand the behaviour, therefore it is not the problem of the mokopuna but the ‘problem’ of the kaiako.

If we come with an AROHA gaze we will be better equipped to pause and reflect on our own inner turmoil before we are judge and jury over what is right, what is wrong and what is respectful.  Broken down AROHA looks like this:

What an AROHA gaze might look like before we make an assumption about the mokopuna:

ARO - putting the individual mokopuna in front of you, seeing the uniqueness of this mokopuna in this moment leaving aside your assumptions. Remember this mokopuna comes from a long line of ancestors and is holding their hopes, dream and Aroha.  Mokopunatanga is about ensuring the mokopuna of our mokopuna not only survive but thrive.

RO - take the time to pause and consider your own inner voice, be reflective moment by moment not reactive.

HA - remember that there is energy in our presence.  The mokopuna senses the energy between you both, you do not need to use words to signal your position.  Is it a position of power over the mokopuna or powerful positive energy that flows through a sense of ako?  What is your presence and energy signalling to the mokopuna.  

OHA - be generous, expect the best.  See the mokopuna with generosity of spirit, focus on the positive because what you focus on grows.

My challenge to you the reader….. what micro-aggression do you think you might have and how might you talk to yourself about these?

He aroha whakato, he aroha puta mai.  If kindness is sown then kindness you shall receive.

Arohanui

Lynn